Everlasting Thirst
by GrandiloquentHeartlessness
Summary: Repost from a couple years ago: Jasper has always been the one to struggle the most with the Cullens' way of life. One-shot.


**A/N: **This is a re-post of a story I wrote a few years ago. It's been edited quite extensively, especially the dialogue. I hope you enjoy! :)

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The blood. It's everywhere. All of this frail prey. I haven't hunted in two weeks. Not long for the others, but long enough. Too long. The sweet, heavenly blood assaults my senses, hijacking my thoughts. I need to hunt soon, to get away before-

A human girl of about 19 catches my eye. Her long auburn hair, pulled back into a ponytail, sways as she walks in my direction, purposely swinging her hips more than is strictly necessary. Lust emanates from her, masking the unease she should be feeling. What is she doing? Why is she approaching me? Can't she sense the danger in doing so? I try to send a feeling of fear to her, but my focus is being broken by the all-consuming bloodlust.

The girl takes her wavy hair out of the hair tie and shakes it out. The scent washes over me, momentarily stunning me with it's intoxicating aroma. She smells like cinnamon, like fall leaves, and like something else, the elusive, undefined scent that makes me long to taste the blood under her Forks-pale skin. My throat burns with thirst and venom flows in my mouth. No! I won't give in to the thirst! I can't! I know my eyes have turned coal black. Whatever hint of gold there was in them is long gone. Whatever small amount of humanity there is left in me is dissipating- being rapidly overcome by the fierce barbaric bloodlust.

No matter how I fight it, I picture myself walking over to the girl and bending down to press my lips to her throat. Her blood would pulse hot and sweet beneath her skin, the scent intoxicating. My razor-sharp teeth could easily slice through the feeble protection to her veins and I would taste her sweet blood in my mouth. So sweet.

I can't tear my eyes off this girl. I'm leaning towards her involuntarily. It would be so easy. Dazzle her, lead her outside... No one else would be hurt. I'd snap her neck, and it would be over in seconds. I wouldn't be cruel. She wouldn't feel a thing.

She smiles and lifts her head, exposing more of her throat. Some small, still sane part of me wonders why she is taunting me. It almost seems as though she _wants_ me to drink from her. Why else would she continue to do things that exacerbate the bloodlust? Does she not sense that I am dangerous? Has she no survival instinct?

I try desperately to fight against the thirst, resist the need for blood, but I am quickly losing the battle. She takes a few steps closer, looking up from under her lashes. In seconds, that girl will be lying on the ground, her wonderful blood running down my parched throat, quenching the thirst. I can almost taste it on my lips. I no longer remember why I shouldn't drink...

"Jasper!" I hear Alice's soprano voice from behind me. "No!"

I whip my head around to see Alice and Edward by my side. Alice looks terrified and Edward's forehead is creased in worry. The sight of them brings me nearly back to my senses.

"Oh thank God!" Alice throws her tiny arms around me, and I remember why I resist, why I constantly fight so hard. For Alice. My beautiful, compassionate, loving Alice.

"We made it just in time." Edward murmurs. A massive tidal wave of relief emanates from the both of them.

Shame washes through me. "Oh no." I choke out. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot the girl watching Alice and me, giving off a flood of disappointment at our embrace. Just an innocent, foolish human girl. Drawn in by my looks, ignoring the underlying instinct to scream and run. My shame grows even stronger as I realize how close she had come to having the life taken from her- or, more accurately, sucked out of her. She was close to being yet another victim of my bloodlust. The word monster is too good for me.

Alice pulls back to look at me. "We were just up the road when I saw…" She shudders, unable to finish.

She doesn't need to. She saw me drinking the blood of that poor girl. She saw me give in to the vicious, animalistic desire that haunts me every moment of every day. The horrible everlasting thirst.

Alice and Edward are full of sympathy as they watch my face, any remaining fear of what I might do having evaporated, though my eyes are still dark as pitch. Anger and self loathing wash through me as I think of my brother holding a sleeping Bella in his arms. Bella, whose blood calls to him so. That temptation is thousands of times stronger than anything I have ever felt, and yet he could stand there while blood flowed freely from her arm and not kill her. I nearly broke because some fool of a teenage girl swung her hair at me! Why must I be so weak?

"Jasper..." Edward starts to say. I can feel his sympathy, his pity, strong as ever. It makes me sick. I don't deserve my brother's pity. He breaks off when he hears the thought, not finishing whatever words of comfort he was going to attempt.

I look down into Alice's dark eyes and sense, below the love and comfort she's trying to project, her pain and disappointment at my near slip-up. She strokes the side of my face, and whispers "It's alright, Jazz. Nothing happened. It's ok." Though she tries to hide it from me, I know it hurts her every time I can't resist the call of human blood. I would gladly die to stop her from hurting, yet I continually cause her pain with my weakness! Even now, the smell presses at me from all sides, calling me to drink... "No. It's not." I let out a tearless sob, break away from her embrace and escape as quickly as I can without exposing my identity. I hear Edward call my name, but I keep moving. Once outside, and away from human eyes, I run, becoming a blur of blonde hair, pale skin, and crushing shame.

Maybe, if I move fast enough, I'll disappear.


End file.
